'LET'S TALK ABOUT MY FUNERAL'

I always wanted to see our customer service

From our clients point of view  

So now that I’ve gone under cover

I thought I’d share my feedback with you

I sincerely hope my firm’s doing me pro-bono

Or at the very most for cost

In recognition of my caring service

And the dedicated colleague they have lost

I really wish they hadn't used up 

That old unsaleable Gothic horror

Because I’ve been left with no other option

Than to quickly climb out of it tomorrow 

Now, about my hearse chauffeur today

Who certainly had no problem speeding all of the way

Every turn, bump and pothole I sorely felt

Perhaps my driver forgot that I wasn’t wearing a seatbelt

The disparity in the pallbearers height

Has crumpled me up and left a chaotic sight

So please tilt up the now heavier thin end 

To help me uncurl and hopefully unbend

Headphones would help me hear more clearly 

As hopefully my loved ones eulogise me

And if I don’t care for what they’re saying

Why then I’ll be able to hit that mute key 

And so as I leave my 5 star review

I feel I’ve gone above and beyond for you

I just wish it hadn’t been left by me

But in the end it just had to be

Michael Ashby, Sidmouth

(Funeral poem for a funeral director. Funeral poem for an undertaker.)